A Way for a Woman to Guard Her Heart

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I want you to understand this: Every time you feel like doing the wrong thing and you choose to do the right thing, you are growing—and God is smiling. You have to think pure thoughts. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

By the time I got married, I would be handing my husband a fairly scarred, dented heart, complete with the bitter memories of how each injury occurred. I would also like to go to prom together, but I am not sure if that would be a good idea. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

A Way for a Woman to Guard Her Heart - Our feelings are only one-third of the package; the other parts are the will and the mind, which are usually far more objective.

Emotional boundaries can be difficult to establish. When I was in college, there was an ongoing joke about the Three-Second Hug Rule. If you were caught hugging longer than three seconds, your peers would call you out for having entered the realm of the inappropriate. But how do you gauge when emotional intimacy is pushing the limits? How far is too far? Guarding your heart means protecting the deepest parts of who you are — both your emotional and spiritual worlds — from anyone who could cause them harm. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Prayer is a time of exposing your heart and getting emotionally naked before the Lord. Talk about an intimate moment. Pursue God individually so as not to allow your spiritual relationship to become a trio prematurely. Guard Your Time Naturally, two people getting to know each other in a dating relationship have a strong desire to spend time together. Being together seems like the natural route of relationship building, and so many couples try to maximize the amount of time they invest in one another, not realizing that there is great benefit in physical distance. Just as crucial as spending time together is spending time apart. Time apart reveals so much about a relationship. The independence it allows will later translate to interdependence — two independent individuals choosing to rely on one another. Couples who spend an unhealthy amount of time together may become enmeshed, losing their independence. Be cautious of the emotional entanglements that can arise when two become one prematurely by investing all of their time into a relationship. Set aside quality time for your relationship, but be sure to set aside quality time for yourself — for your relationship with God, your ministries, your hobbies, your family and friends. You were never meant to lose yourself within a dating relationship; rather you were meant to enhance yourself. Guard Your Mind Any counselor will tell you that there is a reputable kind of therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy. The idea behind this method of healing is that how you think has a direct impact on how you feel. All through the Bible, God reminds us of the power of the mind and the repercussions of our thinking. We are told to renew our minds Rom. For many people, even more significant than their external behavior are their internal musings. Consequently, our thoughts about dating can have a tremendous impact on our emotional world. You want to dream together, to envision the future and create a life to live for. Rather than allowing your hopes for the future to blind you, savor, assess, invest in, and engage in your relationship where it is now. Commit to the moment, allowing your relationship to mature before permitting your conversation to jump ahead, because wherever your conversation goes, your heart will always follow. First lay the foundation; then build the house. In the first level of communication, the focus is on sharing facts. Level 2 conversation is a little more intimate, revealing more of the self as you express opinions and ideas. Instead of just talking about the weather, you talk about your favorite season and share your favorite autumn moment. Level 3 is the most intimate level of communication because it reveals the deepest part of a person — the heart. At this level, conversation involves expressing feelings and opening up about struggles, joys, and fears, as well as sharing hopes and dreams. The most important thing to remember about the three levels of communication is that they are progressive. They reflect the slow and steady deepening of communication as trust is earned. You may use them as a guide to help you protect your emotional world, as well as that of your significant other. Healthy dating relationships call for an accurate understanding of your emotional temperament as well as the gradual building of trust. Protect yourself by guarding your heart, your mind, your time, and your conversation. Take control of your relationship; otherwise, it will take control of you. Your Turn To the ladies who are single or dating, what are ways you are preparing yourself to emotionally guard your heart, mind, time, and conversation to whoever your future spouse may be? To those who are already married, what advice would you give to the single ladies out there or for those who are currently dating? Share your thoughts and comments on our blog! Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and the creator of the popular blog TrueLoveDates. You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk. Debra and her husband, John, have been happily married for over a decade and have three beautiful children.

What Does It Mean To "Guard Your Heart?"
By drawing my own lines and telling God how our relationship ought to look, I foolishly denied God the prerogative which belongs to Him only. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. You want to dream together, to envision the future and create a life to live for. This article was originally published on. Fight the impulse to date in a corner by yourselves, and instead draw one another into those important relationships. How Do I Guard My Heart? If your parents don't like the person, listen to their reasoning. But they did have others in their lives with whom they could talk about their feelings... Guarding our hearts means protecting ourselves as Christians from all the things that would come to harm us.